One of the Sex Education YouTubers whom I follow, Hannah Witton, posted a video: Early Signs I Would Be a Sex Educator | Hannah Witton. She got me thinking - why am I also interested in sex as a subject? Why do I watch YouTubers like Hannah Witton and Dr. Lindsey Doe, and follow-up on different studies and talk to people about sex? And so I went on a mental journey and thought about the different events in my life that set me on the course that got me to where I am today.
Please forgive the use of binary terms, as this was the late 1980s through 2001, and this writing is based off of my memories from my perspective at the time. The primary school that I went to was a public K-8 school with mixed grades (1-3, 4-5, 5-6, 6-8), so some of my memories overlap in strange places.
Content Warning: Mention of Abortion Videos
As a small child (I can't remember how old I was, but I'm fairly certain I was under 8), I was given a copy of Where Did I Come From?. I remember being fascinated by that book in an intellectual sense - it still left me wondering how certain things worked but I didn’t quite know what I was still wondering about. That’s the only thing that I can remember, however, up until my 6th Grade year.
I have a vague memory of watching a sexual education video at school, sometime during the 6th Grade. All I can remember about it was a part where the actors were talking about condoms: "My girlfriend wants me to get a condom," one actor said to his friend. I heard "condo" and was very confused. Why would you need to buy a condominium before sex? I was very confused. Eventually, we got to touch condoms and (I think) we were shown how to put them on. The following year, in biology class, we were dissecting an animal and needed to don latex gloves. I commented that the gloves felt like condoms - the class jerk laughed at me, and then someone punched him. I didn’t know at the time that both were made out of latex.
7th Grade was the final year of coed sex-ed at my school, as I recall. I signed up for the class, because I was very interested in it and wanted to know more. However, 8th graders got first pick for it the class and it filled up before I even had a chance. In 8th Grade, I can only remember two things from that class. One thing was that I was told I'd make a good father because I'd do everything I could to support the mother and child if I accidentally impregnated someone (I don’t remember yet learning about abortion).
The other thing I can remember from that class is an exercise on trying to budget being low income with a child. Because this was the 1990s, it was a very heteronormative situation. Even though boys and girls were in separate classes, we were paired off in hetero couples and the remaining girls were the single moms. While running the numbers, I had the idea of having two of the single moms live with us, and my “wife” agreed. The teacher said that I would go crazy having 3 babies in the house, but my line of thinking was “3 babies versus 4 adults and 3 or 4 incomes? I think we've got it.” I don’t remember how we did in that course, but I like to think that we did well.
Come to think of it, that might have also been a clue to my being polyamorous (for other clues from when I was growing up to my being non-monogamous, click here). Wanting to have multiple co-parents, establishing what essentially is a commune… Huh.
During my math class in either the 7th or 8th Grade, one of the girls at my table had to go to the bathroom. She brought her backpack with her. The other boy at the table asked why she needed to bring her backpack with her - the other two girls at the table elected to have me answer the question. I thought that it was odd that he didn't know; I don't know why I thought it was odd, though, as I can't remember when I learned.
Life took a radical turn when it was time for high school - I switched from a public school to a private, all-male, Roman Catholic military academy. I had to completely change my learning style. It was not easy. One of the hardest things to adapt to was having to take a mandatory religion class every semester. In one of the religion classes (though it may have been another class), we were talking about sex. As we were going over some safe sex methods, the teacher said that it was hard to pull out when you want to push in. All I can remember is that what he said made me start thinking about what it was about bodies that did that.
During my Senior Year (remember, this is a Roman Catholic academy) we were shown a graphic abortion video. I couldn't stomach it and left the room. The rest of the class stayed, I think - I remember sitting down and talking to someone in the hall, but I don’t remember if he was from my class or another class. What I didn’t know at the time was that he was showing us a video of a late-term abortion - when I figured it out (years later), I was furious. Damn religious educators. What I did know at the time was that it wasn’t my body, and so I couldn’t make the determination on what someone else should do to their own bodies (despite his best efforts).
I didn’t actually have sex until I was 19, however. But that is a story for a different time.
That’s pretty much all that I can remember. I’m turning 37 soon, and so may be remembering some details incorrectly.
Are you also interested in sex academically? Please feel free to talk about it in the comments - I would love to hear from you!
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