On March 22nd, 2021, I was on a panel for MNPoly about Ethical Non-Monogamous Communication. You can listen to the audio of the panel on my SoundCloud.

Content Warning: Mentions of Alcoholism and Eating Disorders

We opened the panel with the pronouns that we use. As pronouns are words that we use to replace names (she/him/theirs), it is important to use what most accurately represents the people to whom we are referring. If you don’t know a person’s pronouns, please ask them; we need to continue to normalize this practice.

I identify as graygender - that is, I identify outside the gender binary and feel generally ambivalent about my gender identity. The pronouns that I have been using the most are xe/xem/xyr, though I am comfortable with most pronouns (except for “it”, as I am not an inanimate object). I very much enjoy it when people change up what pronouns they use for me.

During the panel, we discuss different communication styles, including proactive communication, direct communication, and radical transparency. Also, we talk about what Informed Consent looks like, what is Checking In, and when should one start checking in during a relationship.

Resources mentioned in the panel:

• Brene Brown

• For the Love of Men - Elizabeth Plank

• Glennon Doyle

• Relationship Anarchy Smorgasbord

Various terms that were used during the panel:

• Cisman: Being assigned male at birth, and identifying as having the gender that corresponds to the sex assigned at birth; not transgender.

• Constellation: A romantic network. Also used to describe a sketch or visualization of a romantic network, as these drawings can resemble a constellation in the night sky.

• Kitchen Table Polyamory: A style of polyamory that emphasizes family-style connections even among people in a network who are not dating each other.

• Metamour: The partner of one’s partner, with whom one does not share a direct sexual or loving relationship.

• NRE - New Relationship Energy: A strong, almost giddy feeling of excitement and infatuation common in the beginning of any new romantic relationship.

• Polycule: A romantic network, or a particular subset of relationships within a romantic network, whose members are closely connected. Also used to describe a sketch or visualization of a romantic network, as these drawings often resemble the depiction of molecules used in organic chemistry.

• Solo Polyamory: An approach to polyamory that emphasizes agency and does not seek to engage in relationships that are tightly couple-centric.

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